Fade Away

I hate you

I look into the mirror
Alas! You I behold

Loved you never,
Bother me not,
Never will I, either

Time and again,
Memories you refresh,
More I want to forget,
More will you remind

Why me?
Forever, I hate you
You hurt me, so do your traces in my life
Fade away, never to come again
Fade away, you adamant pimple!!

Signs

I had chanced upon an astrology book at home when I was probably in my high school. The curiosity that built up in me made me read the traits of folks under the sign I belong to, despite the fact that I don’t really believe in the concept called astrology. Although, I too possess some traits as described by all the astrological gurus, I owe it to coincidence.

The one point that had strengthened my disbelief was one sentence that I try to reproduce literally here; “You are a person always wanting to take different routes to your house, everyday”. No way! Me never for that intensity of change in routine. I generally hate deviations from routine unless they are exceptions like someone gifting a box (well, won’t mind if two too!) of chocolates for no reason!!

But of late, I realize that the fact that had reinforced my disbelief is true, indeed very true. I do take different routes to the exit door from my cubicle on my way home!! Now should I have a second thought on the strength of Astrology? The predictions seem so right. But, would it still stand valid, since I take different routes not for want of change but to escape from my manager’s hawk-eye!!By the way, should I just mind my business and wonder if the predictions are going right or take a look at others’ traits too before I start thinking about validating astrology? If I take different routes, so do others, after all, the manager not manages just one person, you see! And, all of them are not born under the same sign!!

Hmmm…. Let me see what I can do about it. It’s time to leave for home and since I see my manager near the printer area, I guess, it would be a good idea for me to take the entrance-to-the-pantry-and-exit-from-there-route for the day!!

Role model, yet accessible!

Once in college, one of our lecturers, maybe just over an year elder to us, conducted a written H.R. interview for us and the reason he quoted for doing it was to prepare us for the job-hunt, while actually the reason was that he wanted some tips to face H.R. interviews well, he was lecturing part-time and software-job-hunting most of the time. Intentions apart, it was fun.

Among so many questions, there was one asking for who our primary role-model is. As we were meant to read our answers aloud (mass-learning of interview tips,you know!), as expected, got to hear the names of Mahatma, Abdul Kalam, Einstein, Narayan Murthy, Azim Premji, Ambani and many who have had their names encrypted in history.It came naturally to me that I would write my dad as my real hero, my role-model. I uttered the same when it was my turn to read out my answers aloud and surprisingly to me, classmates and lecturer included gave an amazed look! Probably they were expecting, maybe the names mentioned supra by default or some name that weighs as much as those names do. No, to me, it is my dad. Not that they are not, but they never influenced me before my dad did. I was not surprised when folks mentioned their role-models, but why were they? Why is it that, very often, people who are so very accessible to us and mould or influence our life every single day are taken for granted?

Nevertheless, here’s for my dad who made books accessible to me long before they reached many, who made me write and kept revealing secrets on how to keep a reader engrossed with the write-ups ( failure on my part it is that I have not taken the lessons well), who taught me to debate (I still remember when I slept all night and he burnt the midnight oil to get my written copy of debate ready by morning),who taught me to meet people and build social relationships and who taught me how to long jump too!! (I guess, he knew long before that I would enter the software industry and should be well equipped with the jumping act!!). I learnt a few, he tried teaching a lot , though.

Dad, I know you wont read this, neither will I make an attempt to make you do too. Yet,just wanted to shout at the top of voice and say “Love you lots,Dad!!”

If at all, I have a complaint against my dad, it’s that he doesn’t know cooking. Hence, I don’t too!! Yet, both of us managed to survive (of course, on mom’s cooking (kidding..I’d better.Mama,love you too!) or elsewhere)!!

What's new gets it's due!

As a matter of fact, more number of people than I knew read my blog!! Yippie!!Me not too sure of their opinion on my posts as most of them leave no comments. BUT THEY READ, of late I got to know!!! Just recently, one of my friends told me that she forwarded my posts to her friends and to read their responses via mail to her (that was later forwarded to me for my information) was sheer joy. People saying that I write good and should continue to post more ..blah blah blah… I strongly feel that she being a good friend of mine, would most certainly have hid from me, the harsh comments.

What started as a compulsion to create a login to comment on some friend’s blog ( He had restricted commenting only to registered members), led to my blogging. With an inclination towards writing that I had ever since I was a kid, it interested me in a big way.

What’s new never fails to get it's due;when I started off, I was so keen about blogging often, although I never, for once, blogged simply because I had to or to break a long gap..never!! I did it only when my impulse asked me to, the effort was to make my impulses to ask me to blog often.

Aaaahh…the pleasure of publishing the first few posts!! (The umpteen number of republication of the posts to achieve that perfection in publishing, to get rid of extra spaces, to add the missing commas etc…. ) . Not that I don’t republish my posts now, but it has reduced to a great extent for I let go of some known minor typographical errors to dwell happily.

One or two posts up, and more often than not, most of them, I suppose (me too not an exception) dream of making a career in journalism/writing etc. No one, not a single one, would get spared from writer’s block and how often writer’s block hits would determine how quickly the assumption that it is easy to make it big at journalism diminishes.

I always have had a principle that I should not force anyone into reading whatever nonsense or otherwise that I write, I never informed my friends of the blog link. As a consequence, I didn’t know more than two people (me being one) seeing my blog when I started off, yet, I checked my profile user statistics umpteen times a day just hoping to see one figure up! How humanly crazy!! Everyone wants attention, although it was not why I was maintaining a blog, I would not mind getting the same, rather should I confess that I wanted it !!

One single comment on the blog, would make my day. Not before my blog grew old with quite some posts, did it see one comment. Reasons could range from it not interesting the reader to lack of publicity..whatever!! Now a comment (not that I expect or get many) does nothing to my day.

I still find it funny on how I used to scrutinize every trivial incident with an intention to blog, my friends always teased me if I would blog this-too and that-too incidents!!

What happened to that spirit? Why should only new get its due? Only things that don’t dampen over time are acts of passion, I believe.

Let passion prevail.It'd better!

Woo-men to know why!

Sanjana sat with her laptop to prepare an essay for the contest to be held at the Ladies club on “Women’s Entrepreneurship in India-Hindrances and Remedies” on account of Women’s day, the next day. With all difficulty, she did all possible arrangements to wind up early at office to come home soon and prepare the essay.
So, here she starts “Women Entrepreneurship in India is………”

[There rings the doorbell. Sigh! Disturbs the tempo, she goes to check who’s at the door, the newspaper agent for his bills to be cleared].

Forcing herself back to the mode, ok….hmm.. she continued from where she left, ”… a serious matter to be discussed and dealt with. Women, despite having the potential and the apt education to make it big in the society, yet are not into the entrepreneurship, at a significant level. Even if they are, just in measly numbers. If the hindrances are to be analyzed … ”

[A voice from within says it’s 5’0 clock and time to pick her daughter from the crèche. Off she went on her why-should-boys-have-all-the-fun?-bike to do the same very quickly to be back with Sara. Don’t traffic jams have their own say? At last, come they did. Freshening up of Sara, cleaning the lunch box, some snacks for her followed! Sigh!! With all the energy levels dipping, she realizes that her essay is dangling in a state as worse as it can get.]

With all the determination to bring a decent half-essay up before her husband returns, she keeps Sara busy with all the toys to stop her from disturbing her. Rightly, Sara didn’t disturb, so engrossed she was in playing with the toy Kitchen set. Man! she was preparing quite some delicious dishes. Don’t moms know the toys the kids like? Toy kitchen set for a girl!! However much she tried, her concentration frequently deviated to watch her kid play, with the ‘Kitchen set’. Was it the kitchen set or the kid that put her to thoughts, is still a matter of thought. While witnessing her daughter play, her inner voice makes another entry to tell her that the salt has exhausted and needs to be bought for cooking. Again, down the flight of stairs, the shop two houses away, salt-shopping, up the flight of stairs, all holding Sara in one hand. There she comes to the door, huffing and puffing, Pawan, her husband waiting at the door step all tired after a day’s work. So, tea and biscuits to him followed. Now started the cooking for dinner. While she just answered Pawan’s eager question on what was cooking for dinner, the coriander charred to death in the pan!! Sara, toddling in the kitchen, to explore high-end girls-toys(?) made Sanjana keep one eye on her, and another on the rice that was cooking on one burner, curry that boiled on another one,chapathi flour kneading etc,yeah all in the only other eye left! Hmmmmpf!! At last, she didn’t fail to generate the aroma from the kitchen to have her hubby assemble at the dining table. Serving dinner for him done. Spoon-feeding Sara done. She also had dinner, for it can’t be let gone, if left , for how many days can one follow not-having-dinner style?

A look at the clock shows 10.15 p.m and God! Who would press the clothes to be worn for office next morning ? Of course, she! She did. Putting her daughter to sleep, more huffing and puffing, the only lullaby the kid is used to, ended successful! Now the time says 11.00 and after all the fatigue, she tries to pick up her essay from where she left it, “ ….. family commitment and lack of support being one….”

[Oops!! Something on the stove smells charred…God! Forgot to switch off the stove after the milk had boiled enough!! To the kitchen and back.]

Now, that’s it! Not a single cell in her body wants to go ahead with the essay. Off she dozes on the chair she sat only to realize in the morning that her essay is as-is. [It’s hardly a movie that an angel would come and complete it!!]. Her breakfast preparation would not let her tap the keyboard, so she wooed Pawan to write her an essay on the “Women Entrepreneurship in India-The Hindrances and Remedies” while she prepared Masala dosa to the family. And the essay that her husband wrote for her did win the contest!! If not for men, who knows the best reasons for the staggered Growth of women Entrepreneurs?

P.S: Inspired(?) by a true incident at office when a colleague,who of all,would not have spent time on women's issues sat and compiled an essay for his fiancee.It was presented later.It kept me stunned that a woman had to seek her counterpart's aid to discover what hindered women's (rather, her) progress!!

B'lame' Acts

Not committing a mistake. Getting blamed for the act not done, as if done, solely done. Helpless and unable to justify or resist the blame. Hurts. Truly Hurts. My state of mind for the day.

Not me alone, so many can identify with me on this, I suppose. Times when, you know you are right, rather not wrong, yet take the blame without offering any restraint owing to the situation you are in.

Why do we take blame?

For the fortune of some people being born long before us. Yeah, it’s called ‘Respecting Elders’ not to talk back, I am told. So, you tolerate.

Position. When my class teacher blamed my handwriting for her not being able to read something, I only agreed to improving it. (If my mom had criticized my handwriting, I would very well say, “Mama, any hand-writing that does not look like yours is not all that bad!! Everyone has a style, mine is one too!“). Since it was from my teacher, I tolerated.

You can’t really be blunt in your words to hurt someone badly, not at least your friends, so you tolerate.

Situation. You are in need of some work getting mobilized from a person that you hardly have any time in messing around retaliating and straining the relationship, which would in effect hamper the process. So, you tolerate.

Not in the mood to pick a fight or too depressed to talk. Who says choking voice sounds melodious?

You are least bothered about someone saying something, so you let it pass as if unheard.

You are actually guilty of committing the blame-worthy act. (Why mention this? Not all accept blame even on committing a mis-deed, right? So I proudly mention that I do it.)

You simply are used to taking blame as if it’s your duty while someone does the giving act as if no one’s business. Well, who doesn’t know how most of the house-maids are treated simply because they are of the lower-economic cadre and are compelled to hear, for they desperately are looking for financial benefits, be it at the cost of self-esteem. Self-esteem is a very luxurious attitude that only people of higher cadres (Occupation, Status, Gender etc) can follow, you know. So you tolerate.

You take the blame because you tolerate. Here ‘tolerate’ is a synonym for helplessness, fear, respect, patience,I-don’t-want-to-disturb-the-situation-by-shouting-out-aloud-attitude as applicable to the situation, isn’t it?

Blame Game is so very lame at times played just to get away from a mess by making someone else a scapegoat. Today, I have been one, rather the latest of my situation-based-scapegoat-incarnations.