Well, a dear friend chatted with me for quite a while today. She is currently staying alone abroad and is due to come back to India very soon. She is a bag of mixed emotions. Happy for being able to get back home and sad or worried or anxious to realize that she may have to get married as soon as she returns.
I am no expert, but I have been there, done that. So, I totally understand her anxiety or fear of the unknown. If one says, 'Haven't you heard of Love marriages?', I would say, Love has to happen, it can't be made to ( unless they are Arranged Marriages :P). Some people just don't find or don't like to find the love of their life on their own. Or maybe, the first sights never did the magic. For whatever the reasons might be, if one lets the parents decide or help decide whom to marry, naturally they have several of questions.
Why marriage?
Well, I think one should not get married until one has this question in mind. Marry only when you think you should, for want of a partner. After all, having a companion for journey might help.
Honestly, for me, getting married was not an issue, but when it had to happen was. This is what I thought, one day I would want to get married, so why not sooner than later?
How do I know if I will consent to the right person?
Are you sure you know yourself all too well? I am afraid, I am not. As I often say, I might contradict myself anytime. If such is the case, how can we judge the other person completely, in a meeting or two or in a year or two? All of us evolve, don't we? ( well, at least most do!)
Also, marriages fixed post one meeting have worked too while living-in of a year or two resulting in marriage might not have turned successful. All I want to say is, we can't define a personality and can't get into marriage after 'completely' knowing the person. If you think, the person respects you, then probably, he/she is good find. Because, he/she respects, all else like love and compromise will follow.
I understand, to conclude that a person is a good find, is a risk, but tell me, if you are not a risk-taker, then you are not made for marriage :P It is like stock market, no one knows future, all you can bank on is hope.
What if it doesn't work?
Well, some marriages work and some don't. Just like any other thing. As long as we think marriage is THE thing rather than, 'just another thing', we tend to lay so much stress on it and eventually get paranoid. As I said, I think we have to bank on hope.
Let God forbid, if it doesn't work, is it the end of the world? Are we not INDIVIDUALS who know what to make of our lives? We are educated, we work and have will to grow. What else? Life has to go on, perhaps with a few more challenges.
What if it curbs my Freedom?
I am no expert, but I have been there, done that. So, I totally understand her anxiety or fear of the unknown. If one says, 'Haven't you heard of Love marriages?', I would say, Love has to happen, it can't be made to ( unless they are Arranged Marriages :P). Some people just don't find or don't like to find the love of their life on their own. Or maybe, the first sights never did the magic. For whatever the reasons might be, if one lets the parents decide or help decide whom to marry, naturally they have several of questions.
Why marriage?
Well, I think one should not get married until one has this question in mind. Marry only when you think you should, for want of a partner. After all, having a companion for journey might help.
Honestly, for me, getting married was not an issue, but when it had to happen was. This is what I thought, one day I would want to get married, so why not sooner than later?
How do I know if I will consent to the right person?
Are you sure you know yourself all too well? I am afraid, I am not. As I often say, I might contradict myself anytime. If such is the case, how can we judge the other person completely, in a meeting or two or in a year or two? All of us evolve, don't we? ( well, at least most do!)
Also, marriages fixed post one meeting have worked too while living-in of a year or two resulting in marriage might not have turned successful. All I want to say is, we can't define a personality and can't get into marriage after 'completely' knowing the person. If you think, the person respects you, then probably, he/she is good find. Because, he/she respects, all else like love and compromise will follow.
I understand, to conclude that a person is a good find, is a risk, but tell me, if you are not a risk-taker, then you are not made for marriage :P It is like stock market, no one knows future, all you can bank on is hope.
What if it doesn't work?
Well, some marriages work and some don't. Just like any other thing. As long as we think marriage is THE thing rather than, 'just another thing', we tend to lay so much stress on it and eventually get paranoid. As I said, I think we have to bank on hope.
Let God forbid, if it doesn't work, is it the end of the world? Are we not INDIVIDUALS who know what to make of our lives? We are educated, we work and have will to grow. What else? Life has to go on, perhaps with a few more challenges.
What if it curbs my Freedom?
If a person loves you, your freedom is never gone. If he doesn't, then there is no point in being with him. So, Freedom stays, whether he does or not, depends.
Staying away from parents? In-laws? New house?
Different Folks, different strokes. As we adjust to new set of people, we are equally new to that set too. It does call for a lot of exercise to be able to gel well and get along. Respecting space and choices might help. Well, not that we are never angry with our parents? All in the game, baby :)
And lastly, all who are single are not always happy, and who are married, not always sad, and if sad, not necessarily because of marriage.
Well, I might have blabbered here, but this is what I felt when I got married!
